the encapsulation of the reversal.
24 Jan 2012 Leave a Comment
This is a photograph i took with my humble camera, of the Tiber River with the Castel Sant’Angelo in the background when I was in Rome during the Easter Vacation last year. I added an Irish Blessing Vic posted on facebook which I thought was so beautiful. It has its own photographic flaws because it seems oddly tilted, but it’s been one of the few photographs whose imagestuck with me for a very long time more than just what it represents pictorially. It is telling of alot of aspects of life which are currently going through my thoughts. As much I want time to sometimes stand still, it just keeps flowing on with the currents of the Tiber River. At the same time, there is something unending and still about life, or a particular essence which I can’t really put my finger too as well. The Castel Sant Angelo has been used as a fort, a masoleum ( i think) , a castle, and now it’s one of the most visited museums in Europe. But there is something about it that remains as it is – perhaps we are like that as human beings as well… And those few birds soaring in the sky in this photo – I wonder what they are doing now.. ??
I remembered the three of us taking a lazy, long walk along the river, stopping by just in front of a carnival like scene, sitting on a bench and shan shared her potato chips with us. We talked about the politics of the body, how is it that being ‘fat’ is something which is abhored in society perhaps because of the certain stereotypes and constructs our society were accustomed to, and how there is always this distaste for people who are ‘larger in size’, how we view so myopically all these images of the body. This conversation went on for at least an hour, before we decided to continue walking lest it got darker. Along the roads at Lungot Castello were street peddlers, mostly Africans i suppose ( i’m cringing at the use of this term… sigh) hollering out to the tourists and trying hard to sell their imitation bags and wallets. I didn’t know what to feel then, and neither do I now.
But i read a fascinating line from Franz Fanon just now, that ”Europe is literally the creation of the Third World”.
And that really, really blew me away.
look at the world (:
22 Jan 2012 Leave a Comment
in Uncategorized Tags: Friendship, Geography, Hall life, Life
Look at the world, everything all around us
Look at the world and marvel every day.
Look at the world: so many joys and wonders,
So many miracles along our way
Praise to thee, O lord for all creation.
Give us thankful hearts that we may see
All the gifts we share, and every blessing,
All things come of thee.
Look at the earth bringing forth fruit and flower,
Look at the sky the sunshine and the rain.
Look at the hills, look at the trees and mountains,
Valley and flowing river, field and plain.
Think of the spring, think of the warmth of summer
Bringing the harvest before winter’s cold.
Everything grows, everything has a season,
till it is gathered to the Father’s fold:
Every good gift, all that we need and cherish.
Comes from the Lord in token of his love
We are his hands, stewards of all his bounty
His is the earth and his the heavens above
I find this song John Rutter so phenomenally beautiful.
Time passes so quickly when one is having fun.. it seemed like just yesterday when we were excitedly planning our ‘stressful holidays’ and scurrying to get everything needed for the overseas exchange journey. From the scarves to the kettle, from the money changing to the booking of coach tickets from Heathrow to Victoria Coach Station.. all the online discussions with Clara and all the scouting and web-reviewing of hostel and hotels.. hostelworld.com became one of my my visited websites I remember. Somehow it’s just out of this world how things have unfolded. It makes me miss my time overseas even more, where I was blessed with such the strong support of the community.
Sister Catherine, in a divine plan, came down to Singapore from UK ( via KL) to see me last week. I swear it got to be one of the best times since Exchange for me to come to realise how things will work out themselves and there are ‘human angels’ out there to take care of each of us. Sr Catherine is one of those who is really God-sent to make this world such a better place. We spoke about out lives, how different/ similar things are.. it’s really gratifying to be able to share with someone whom you feel might be different in terms of nationality, upbringing etc but I just feel like I could share with her anything and everything. The kind of person whom you can show your most raw and vulnerable side too. I shared with her my ambivalence about the ‘Devil’ as I always had trouble understanding why and how can there be something so ‘evil’ that exists out there. In her usual calm, composed and well-thought words, she assured me that many times Christians tend to see the ‘Devil’ as the antithema, something ‘opposing’ and against God. But that may not be the best way to understand the relationship between the ‘Devil’ and God! Much rather, the Devil is a result of the absence of God, the void which fails to see God and see love. Many times it is crucial to acknowledge our own human failings because we possess freedom and choice as human beings, so maybe it is time to think twice when one says ‘ the devil is tempting you’! Not sure if I articulated this as accurately as I wanted to.. but yea, good times at the chaplaincy in Southampton and with Sr. Cat (:
We had geog sports day again and i guess it is the third year running since its inception during my batch. There’s alot of passion and enthusiasm in the freshmen and we were thinking we must have aged alot, and that things and events have changed! It was the first in 5 long semesters that the three of us took a photo together. I really need to be thankful that in spite all the tumultuous times we had, we still remain as good friends, and perhaps become even better friends. It’s something which I hold very dearly close to my heart. That kind of friends whom you have literally poured out your heart for, friends who you wouldn’t mind waking up at 4am friends whom you have had your hearts broken for, friends whom you have felt you hated and loved at the same time..But all in all, it points to something more robust and much more meaningful, that perhaps it is this love which doesn’t extend from our human failings but from the transcending grace of God that gives us this courage for a real friendship that has endured so much rubbish. And hopefully many more good times for this burdened, battered and liberated friendship. What good times (:
After sports the KEviians from geog hurried to the squash courts to see the squash team battle it out – being the underdogs in this entire realm of sports meant that we cheered our hearts out even louder, with a great deal of amazing passion and a huge dollop of hall pride. I witnessed how all those who might think lowly of us are so poorly informed, and so wrong.I’ve seen our sportspeople give everything and train so terribly hard for the games, and it all amounts up to better team spirit, greater love, and more guts. I think that hall pride is priceless. The surge of spirits, a wild mix of cheers and claps, crazy cheering.. I guess it is an invaluable feeling to be able to cheer for your friends, and on the other hand receive this form of affirmation and confidence. What good times (:
I keep thinking retrospectively. Perhaps it’s time to look more ‘forward’ with more aspirations, like what forms of geography of ‘aspiration’ there can be.. Haha!
lifehouseeee
08 Jan 2012 Leave a Comment
Cause it’s you and me
And all of the people with nothing to do
Nothing to lose
And it’s you and me
And all the other people
And I don’t know why
I can’t keep my eyes off of you
世界真美丽!
04 Jan 2012 1 Comment
I was watching a UK series called World’s Greatest Motorbike Rides last night on a newly discovered channel called Travel Channel ( jialat, so long not at home i don’t even know what channels we subscribe to on the Mio Tv thing). The host of the show did a 2000mile journey on his Harley Davidson along firstly the Eastern coast of NZ donwards from Auckland, before venturing further into Napier, Wellington and subsequently the second half of NZ, down to the tip of Inverncargill and further up again. At the same time, my friend texted to tell me that our beloved Channel 8 was screening a similar travel programme about Sri Lanka. The show was called 世界真美丽 and i really cannot agree more with this.. The sheer majesty of the earth is really beyond my imagination.. 世界真美丽 and it makes me wonder in amazement how these places were created by the hands of our maker. but somehow humans have the inclination to explore and conquer all these “natural places” when we might not even belong there to begin with. But without these expeditions, I would have never gotten to come to contact with all these beautiful places on earth. Without the accessiblity of transport and networks, I may never be able to gain entry into stepping on these grounds, much less watch them from my TV screen..
Talk on the plunder of nature always gets me excited. and morally challenged.. ):
faithfully (:
01 Jan 2012 Leave a Comment
Highway run into the midnight sun
Wheels go round and round
You’re on my mind
Restless hearts sleep alone tonight
Sending all my love along the wire
They say that the road
ain’t no place to start a family
Right down the line it’s been you and me
And loving a music man
ain’t always what it’s supposed to be
Girl
you stand by me
I’m forever yours
faithfully
Circus life under the big top world
We all need the clowns to make us laugh
Through space and time
Always another show
Wodering where I am lost without you
And being a part ain’t easy on this love affair
Two strangers learn to fall in love again
I get the joy of rediscovering you
departure;
25 Dec 2011 Leave a Comment
I hardly have the luxury of time amidst the daily rush usually to systematically think about, and articulate my thoughts on what a year this has been. Even my intent to finally embark on my SEP scrapbooking has been postponed multiple times and put into the back burner – writing this is yet another urgent reminder ( yet slowly losing its urgency) to at least start on one album. I feel diffident writing this because my thoughts, akin to running loose thread from a old, worn-out shirt, are seriously all over the place. But I will nevertheless attempt to narrate my feelings procured for the year, which I can safely say has been the best year ever ( with many more to come). This excitement is attributed to not only the different countries I have come to set foot upon, or the sights and sounds my senses have come to be sensitized to, but more profoundly the various “capacities” which I cannot really put my finger to at this moment.
The year has awarded me opportunities to gain broader perspectives, through very importantly, my interactions with people from various nationalities, backgrounds and systems of beliefs. All these in a space which was initially unfamiliar to me, and perhaps even feared by me. There were many different people I spoke to, and it amazes me somehow on the crazy things I did. I remember Roddy, a Scottish Catholic I met at the Verbum Dei Retreat Centre during Easter. I could scarcely make up what he was articulating when I met him on the first day of the retreat- it was blanketed with a thick accent, slurry and incomprehensible to me. It was as inpenetretable as the tough skin of the Scottish who had their skin conditioned by the nasty storms and winds encountered by them. On the last day of the retreat, he sounded miraculously clear and I was even holding a conversation with him – I think we were speaking about Colonialism or some sort. Yet this capacity to understand his way of speaking the English Language perhaps went beyond the linguistics, or understanding the way he spoke based on how he strung his words, or articulated them. Perhaps it was the circumstances which forced me to listen more attentively, listen harder, listen better. Or perhaps it was this building of capacity to feel for what people believe in, or the capacity to respect others when they want to make a point with what they are trying to say. Perhaps because I demanded the same amount of attentiveness when I was speaking that propelled me to become a better listener.
Talking with people from all walks of life also allowed me to gain epiphanies which are possibly contradictory – inasmuch as I know think twice ( and even cringing at the sometimes methods lacking in thought) of which we classify people based on social markers like nationality, age, race, there are indeed place-specific cultural differences that have come to define and legitimize some customs and practices as they are. The troubling question which then emerges from this is whether or not culture is a good enough reason ( or excuse) for the practices we have come to deem as normal. Does culture exonerate one from the practices which may be “incorrect” in one but yet fully approved of in another? For instance, when we are faced with alarming statistics of UK teen pregnancies shooting through the roof, or read about how Westerners are less interested in the academic achievements within the classroom as compared to their Asian counterparts, how much or how little of this is attributed to their “liberal” culture? Too often we have conceived of practices by different groups of people with their relationship to their culture, even coming up with rather reductionistic yet normalized terms such as “the Asian values” or “Westerntoxification”. This is really something which challenges me, and also challenges me to thnk about some of the commonly held assumptions behind the methods in which we have come to use to think about what is happening in our world.
At the very essence of my interesting ( some taxingly pretentious, some unpretentious) conversations with people from different backgrounds laid a very fundamental and seamless discovery to me which truly stands out as affirmative to the human race, which then lends some optimism to me on the future of the world. It soon came to my knowledge that in spite of differences in languages, beliefs, practices and culture, everyone is generally seeking affection. Respect. An intention to positively qualify what he/she conceives, even though the person may not be an optimist. I fondly recall my flight from London to Athens – she was frantically fumbling through all her belongings, her breast pocket, her pockets in her trousers, her handbag; her expression wrote of apprehension and worry; her eyebrows deeply furrowed. Like an ant on hot bricks, her incessant fidgeting and search for something told me something was amiss. It was only after she worriedly asked if she could borrow my phone to make an important call to her boyfriend then did it confirm my worst suspicion – she had left her phone on her Romsey-bound train on her way to the airport. She lamented with a tinge of self-jokingness that she had always been absent minded, very prone to misplacing her belongings. This was the genesis of a conversation that lasted the whole flight, one peppered with so much enthusiasm, knowledge and wisdom that I could have never asked for. Naya shared with me about her debt-stricken country, which is still causing panic and gloom across Europe, as leaders frantically organize conferences one after another to discuss the financial austerity plans and macro-economic stability of the nation. She worked as a lecturer in the New Media department of Bristol University, shared with me her love for the job because it offered her the flexibility to travel, her contributions to the academic world, her perception on the average Greek family. As much as she was upset over her misplaced communicating device, she exhibited this quiet confidence to me which then inspired me in turn, to make the best of any position in life to achieve some form of workable meaning out of everything that transpires. This conversation was truly my first encounter with Greece – a country propped upon such immense beauty and part of the extensive history of the world.
My in-flight lesson with Naya is constitutive of the many memorable conversations I had, which have then become translated into more profound understandings of the world, if only we spare no effort in wanting to listen and wanting to learn. Being alone without family strengthened me in ways, to embark on different endeavour which I could scarcely imagined myself to do one year ago when I was still scurrying to get my acceptance package from the partner university. Looking back, it has been really an amazing journey which I give thanks for. I remember why I first applied for SEP at such an early time suddenly – something about wanting to be less further apart from the both of them in the US, something about being afraid of being alone for one more semester when they were both away.
How things change, and how perspectives change.
The transition back to NUS was awkward initially. I remember how the few of us would lament in our own regrets that things were not the same anymore. My stay in hall made it all the more different at the start of the semester because I had never conceived myself to be suitable for hall life to begin with because the need to stay at home meant so much to me. Having to deal with initial moments of being alone despite not physically alone, having to deal with times of social awkwardness. Times when I missed home more than I had missed home when I was overseas in another continent, even though I was physically so near to home. A friend of mine who literally knows me inside out, having witnessed my most raw and vulnerable moments called one night and we just ended up crying, thinking about how things have changed from the times we were young and innocently playful, and how much we’ve mellowed. He asked why I chose to take part in so many activities in hall – I doubted and questioned myself whether it was partially because I was scared of being empty, or finding that there is a need to mire myself in “work” because I was not confident of facing up to the numerous changes I had to grapple with upon my return. Some things keep tugging back at my heartstrings and I question myself what was it that God really wanted out of my life – is it a constant struggle, speaking of suffering, heartbreaks, tears and stress?
Yet if only we would dare to try and partake in different emotions we never expected ourselves to experience. Life in hall has been alright, so-so, neither an exhilarating time nor a terrible experience.I have to accept that I’m already in Year 3 and there are many exhausted hearts who yearn to do something but cannot afford the time and energy to. Somehow the weariness puzzles me, but at the same time when i discover the mirth and excitement of the freshmen I feel enthused that there is such a wholesome energy surrounding me. Then again, it always creates a ringing bell of the past, of which when I was once young, energetic, lacking knowledge about the world…what’s that word? Naive. What am I now, and where am I? My soul has somehow grown older, my heart heavier, afraid of perhaps allowing callous hurt to be heaved. Yet, I have to say that I have learnt to be a better person for the world, constantly hoping that I could be a little more compassionate, understanding and less self-centered. I really pray that I could be true to that, and remain true to God’s faithfulness in me even though it’s so terribly difficult to not see Him, but believe in Him.
Christmas eve Mass at Good Shepherd really touched me. I cannot really string it into words, but the sheer number of people packed side to side in the humid, non air conditioned oldest cathedral ( which looks like it’s going to fall apart anytime!) had amazed me. Sometimes people are touched in ways which I can never imagine. She was never a believer and I never believed in heaping and preaching what I felt was so close to my heart ( yet somehow chore to explain to others why I became Catholic), but she asked if I was attending Mass. Somehow in the greatest line-up of events devised, I attended my X’Mas mass with my sister. The organ was feeling temperamental and some notes frayed and sounded oddly out of place , but the grand majesty of the choir and the voices of more than 700 unpolished parishoners, weaved together, transformed itself into one of the best moments I had experienced this year. What child is this, born of the blessed Virgin Mary, that has come to touch the hearts of billions of people worldwide. I question why would there by someone willing to come and die for me, unquestioningly sacrificing his own flesh and blood for the worthless rascals we are because it defied our human understanding of logic. But that is the mystery of my faith, and the faith of the Church which I am so helplessly hanging on to even though it has been a tough journey, sometimes lonely and sometimes upsettting. I just hope God’s plan for me will unveil itself, or has it already been in play but my own ignorance has ignored has prevented me from giving thanks for every moment in my life? I’m praying for someone to walk this journey with me, because I’m scared of being alone even though Jesus is with me, tilll the end of time.
I wonder how life will be shaped as we depart from 2011. Who will be with me till the end of time?
Taken at Southampton Airport Train Station, United Kingdom, Jan 2011
Cristes Maesse
25 Dec 2011 Leave a Comment
Adeste fideles, laeti triumphantes
Venite, venite in Bethlehem
Natum videte regum angelorum
Venite adoremus, venite adoremus
Venite adoremus Dominum
What is the true meaning of Christmas, amidst the busy shopping and cash tills ringing in departmental stores, the street carolling, the colourful, dazzling christmas lights on Orchard road? Christmas, coming from “Criste Missae”, comes from old English which literally means “Mass of the Christ” . How interesting. (:
Let us not forget the story of Christmas true, the poor lowly and humble Saviour born from the Lady and continue to live our lives in joyful hope and love.
Good Shepherd Cathedral, 8.45pm, Christmas Eve
crux 2011
24 Dec 2011 Leave a Comment
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A few of the many wonderful photos from the JCRC-NUSSU camp, taken by Lionel. Brilliant photography!
It was a surreal feeling sending off Eugene off to London last night ( after a crazy 8 days in Taiwan) . I hope SEP teaches him alot of things which he will cherish and partake in fulfilment from the experiences he will enjoy there., just like how it has awarded me so many epiphanies and lessons to become a better person. Alvin and I were talking about our own overseas experiences, and each time we gather our reminiscent feelings for the places we went to, the people we talked to, the things we did, we can’t help but realise how mellow we have become again. The year is coming to an end and I have had some time on the flight to Taiwan to pen down my incoherent thoughts about how the year has been. This year has been phenomenally formative and I can’t wait to really synthesise my feelings for them.
Oh, if only I had more time…but would time stop?
Holy Darkness
11 Dec 2011 Leave a Comment
As the watchman waits for morning,
and the bride awaits her groom,
so we wait to hear your footsteps
as we rest beneath your moon
❤
09 Dec 2011 Leave a Comment
N1°48.564′ E103°51.072.Gunung Panti, Kota Tinggi, Johor (:
I woke up to the morning with the mild sore still creeping in my biceps. The paranoia of leech bites and bleeding gun-shot alike wounds remained, so I shuffled slightly to the other side of the bed, lifted up my tee and heaved a slight relief that the leech bites look better ( or perhaps it’s just my own conjecture), at the same time still suspicious over the possibility of a leech infection after those nasty bites in the mountains. The camp was incredibly fun, and I certainly learnt alot. I’m cringing at my own poor language now because it seems as though I cannot find the correct words to string my sentences and articulate clearly what I feel. Oh! But nevermind. It just amazes me to see how there are so many excellent and competent people around me which I have much to learn from. I wish I could acquire that sort of selflessness and conviction that those around me displayed, at the same time challenging me to think harder about why and how I have come to choose to partake in certain activities in school, and how I could do better. 
Kudos to everyone who has inspired me in more than ways they could have thought of.
This very same morning after a sleepy brush of my teeth, my head wandered up high above the sky – it was a flock of birds soaring. The feeling of being unbounded and unbroken, the feeling of being able to see the world from above. I sometimes wonder what the birds would think when they are able to witness the true complexity and breath of the happenings on the earth when they see from above, yet that comes as an irrational thought because they are not equipped with the same forms of human rationality we possess.
This is an utterly incoherent post! I need some sleep!
